… and fear sets in

Yesterday I wrote a post about how we need to be our own heroes. River made a fantastic comment to this saying “… and when I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone, I’m tormented for days with wondering “Have I made a fool of myself? Are people laughing at things I said and did? Are they laughing at me?”

Man oh man oh woman, do I know that feeling well…

It is terrible – when I let loose, get passionate, speak with volume, arms flying and it all feels so true – then I punish myself for days, thinking I have made a fool of myself. That I have overwhelmed people and should just shut up! I feel so different; so loud.

Just yesterday I got all inspired, asking my guests if didn’t find it absurd that while we in Australia are upset about 25.000 boat-people and Islamofobia has hit our part of the world, Lebanon has received 180.000 refugees from Syria in only 2 months, housing them, feeding them and doing the best they can to care for them. It got so quiet. I felt as if everyone just stared, so I sat down and kept quiet too.

Which was probably the right thing to do, as it was movie-night and we were ready with pizza, soda and chips. But still… I wonder if I will ever accept that I just cannot keep quiet. I hope to surround myself with people who don’t mind… who might even like it…

 

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5 thoughts on “… and fear sets in

  1. Being passionate and loud are worth the loss of a few that may not really be friends anyway. I try to moderate myself in some public situations (e.g. giving public lectures, talking over the hedge to neighbors or among some of my not so close family). But if people ventures into my home they’ve asked for it and I have no time for people who make me feel guilty for being me in my own kitchen.

    • That is a pretty good point – though (for me) sometimes easier said than done… I sit and wonder if people are ever going to come back 😉

  2. Go Pernille! In fact, I don’t see why we need feel guilty if we state the truth anywhere – the trick is in how we present it. Even after all these years I find it difficult, though, to always remember to moderate my enthusiasms so that I deliver my message in a ‘culturally’ acceptable form – if you batter people with your message it serves no purpose! 🙂

    • That is so true! This is something I am working hard to learn – how to deliver the message with the most impact. And to the right forum.
      Right in this moment though, I feel so blessed to have this blog and to know that there are more of us loud people. Thank you so much for your comments!

      • Sorry I haven’t been checking up on you regularly since you got back, but it was a great mornings reading catching up! I can see your big trip unsettled things wonderfully and that you’re processing and thinking about things you saw and learned … 🙂

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